UZS-2017 (A Zombie Short Screenplay), Part 2

Back in October last year I wrote about the creation of a zombie short film script in response to the flak I was copping for voicing my ambivalenc-- okay, I hate the damn things.

Subsequently a director came on board and we had two or three meetings and a second draft was written based on his notes. To be honest though we were working at cross purposes with different intentions for the story. He wanted a more traditional "fan pleasing" zombie film whereas I, well, did I mention? I hate the damn things.

The last meeting we had I was in the middle of intensive rewrites for Turbulence with Script Lab looming. So in fairness to the director my head was in a different place and I was struggling to understand his comments on the second draft. I left that meeting suggesting he take a pass at the script. In hindsight a mistake and something I normally never do but I simply didn't have enough RAM in my head to process (or understand) what he wanted at that time. I suspect, however, all the extra brain cells in the world wouldn't have mattered as he was nudging it down a path I wasn't really interested in.

A new draft never materialised from the director (nor myself) so it sat in the back of my brain and in a folder on my computer.

Until, impulsively, I submitted it for a one day workshop via the Film and Television Institute. What the hell, right? It's sitting there and I actually like it a lot. It also attracted interest from that award winning director and another had enquired about it so I figured it must have had some sort of legs.

I wrote the application in about 45 minutes flat. I'd finished the pilot script for the web series and was in a writing mood. I let it come tumbling out. Didn't self-censor or edit. Kind of a devil-may-care attitude because what did I have to lose?

I started it this way...

Let me say this up front. I hate zombie films. I don’t understand why everyone under a certain age wants to make ‘em. I expressed this at a screening at the FTI last year to discover people over a certain age want to make them as well. One, a talented cinematographer, turned a picture of me into a zombie! I was mocked mercilessly. So I thought, damn it, I’ll write a damn zombie film.

Except, shhhhhhh, don’t tell anyone, it isn’t really. What interests me is exploring a character undergoing a transformation that they can’t control. I’ve also inverted the usual genre tropes – the zombie locks himself away from the humans; it is told from the zombie’s POV (even though Warm Bodies was subsequently released but that takes a more satirical/comedy approach); and it eschews fan expectations of overt blood and gore.

It is also a commentary about the alienating effect of technology and it is no coincidence that smart phone technology is chosen as the carrier of the infection.

... and continued in that style. Conversational, self-deprecating and free of any earnest submission style trimmings.

And it worked. The project was accepted so I have a full day workshop in Fremantle next month with Claire Dobbin. From the FTI website:

"Claire has run script workshops all over the world and has consulted/edited on Australian films including Candy, (Berlin 2006), Mallboy (Cannes 2000) Road to Nhill, (Best Film Thessaloniki Film Festival) Small Treasures (Baby Lion Venice) Rabbit Proof Fence (AFI Award winner) Japanese Story(Cannes 2003 and AFI Award winner), Blame (Toronto 2010) and Hermano (Venezuela’s entrant in the Academy awards 2010).

Oh, I should mention - I submitted the FIRST draft. The one written in two days after the initial premise struck. So going back to the basic idea and see what comes of being immersed in a creative environment with Claire and 11 other short filmmakers/writers for a day. It should be fun. 

ps did I mention? Zombies... hate the damn things! ;-)

Enter Stage Left, Singing - A Personal Musical Theatre Journey

Yesterday I travelled down to Mandurah for a production of The Phantom of the Opera. This is the fourth time I have seen Andrew Lloyd Webber’s best known work, the previous three being in Sydney where my slow journey to musical theatre appreciation began. Indeed, it is the first musical I ever recall going to, circa 1995-6.

"I had moved to… 

Dissolve to flashback, probably in black and white with period costume and a lamentably scratchy soundtrack to denote a simpler, more analogue time.  

… Sydney in 1994 for work and my parents had proudly announced they were taking me to Phantom of the Opera when they were next coming to visit." 

Parents (proudly): We’re taking you to see Phantom of the Opera!

Me: Am I being punished for something?

Parents (enthusiastically) (yes, they always talked in wrylies back then): You’ll love it. It’s GREAT!

Me (thinking to myself): I wonder if I can fake my own disappearance before they arrive…?  

It’s true, they didn’t literally drag me to the Royal Theatre; they actually physically deposited me in the third row because I thought going to a musical was tantamount to sticking my head in a vat of boiling fat. 

Then something strange happened. 

Cue something-strange-happening music and the introduction of fake smoke for effect. 

I kind of liked it!

Dad still tells the story - yes, even last night when I followed the coast back up to the family home for dinner - that in the early going when the chandelier plummets to the stage I jumped three feet in the air.  

I had no idea what to expect so the spectacle and showmanship of it all had this tyro enthralled. I enjoyed the songs even though I’m not a fan of Act 2 with its reworked melodies and lyrics from the first half.    

I ended up taking my sister along when she visited from Canberra; then later my partner at the time which started a tradition. For her birthday we would go out to dinner, see a show, then have supper on my balcony, my apartment being in the heart of the city. I think, maybe, possibly, one of the other shows was Crazy For You and I can’t recall the third. I also saw Les Miserables on a return visit by my parents. 

I returned to Perth in 1998 and musical theatre largely became an afterthought.  

There were sporadic outings: 

We Will Rock You when I was in Melbourne for work in 2003.

Bare - A Pop Opera by Playlovers around 2008.

Spamalot, again in Melbourne for work maybe 2008/9.

Porgy and Bess at His Majesty’s Theatre in Perth.

Cabaret on a return visit to Sydney.

Avenue Q at the Regal Theatre, Subiaco.

Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds at Burswood Dome.

Christmas with the Andrews Sisters in 2011.

Checkout the Musical as part of 2012’s Fringe Festival. 

We Will Rock You was horribly written by Ben Elton but had all those classic Queen numbers so nobody seemed to mind the abysmal storyline as we sung along raucously. 

Bare featured a ‘wow moment’ when one of my favourite local performers, Rhoda Lopez, launched into “911! Emergency!” and blew the walls off the joint. It also featured Gemma Sharpe who would later read for me at Script Lab, and, unbeknownst to me until recently, Cassandra Kotchie, who made my coffee at a local writing haunt for ages before confessing she was a WAAPA musical theatre grad (Cass!).  

I adored Spamalot and have never laughed so hard especially at the audacity of "You Won’t Succeed on Broadway".  

Avenue Q gained greater significance when someone texted me the first two lines of "There’s A Fine, Fine Line" and I rediscovered how good the songs really are, especially that gem of a number. 

These were still largely one off events. You’re in a different city for work so you blow off time by going to a show. Or you get free tickets as was the case with War of the Worlds and Avenue Q.  

Things began to change while I was doing the PAC Screen Workshops from 2005-2007 and my circle of friends and acquaintances expanded to include far more actors. I’ve written before about my joy of supporting talented friends in their acting endeavours in stage (and film). However, I was attending significantly more plays than musical theatre but that ratio has slowly shifted in the last couple of years. 

2012, however, was the major turning point when I saw three shows that featured a then friend and really enjoyed each one. She is a talented performer and it opened my eyes to a vibrant independent musical theatre scene. For as little as $20 you could see a fabulous show with real talent and commitment. While we’re no longer friends that revelation she was the catalyst for has propelled me into 2013 where yesterday’s show was the ninth musical I’ve seen this year. The other eight are:

The Wizard of Oz, The 25^th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Curtains, The Producers, Nevermore, Madame Piaf, Cats, and A Pirate’s Life For Me.  
  

I guess I should pause to talk a little about the local incarnation of Phantom. Paul Spencer was fantastic as the eponymous villain and was well supported by Kristie Gray, Cassie Skinner and Jake Garner as Carlotta, Christine Daae and Raoul respectively. The sets were good and apart from a few technical hiccups with microphones (thankfully, minor characters in minor moments) it was well presented. The problem, however, to my ears, was the orchestra which was all over the place. So while the singing was good with Spencer the standout, they were constantly battling the music which was muddled and didn’t do the piece justice.   

Having said that the theatre was full and there was an enthusiastic standing ovation so it has no doubt done well. Though again, only a 4 show run, the same as Hairspray by the same company last year which I enjoyed far more.   

Jack the Ripper: The Musical; Koorliny Arts Centre, 2012

I had rather impulsively booked a ticket and it has brought me full circle from being horrified to see a musical back in the mid-90s to now savouring these local productions with such talented people on stage and all the crew and technicians who make them a reality.  

To my musical theatre friends I say this - I finally have joined the party as an enthusiastic and consistent audience member! Just promise me you’ll never, ever ask me to sing!  

What other shows should I see? What are your recommendations? Chicago is one of my all-time favourite movies and I’d love to see Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart onstage but hit me up with some other productions I should look out for!

The FUNdamentals of Screenwriting – Setting

I have a confession to make. I’m a fussy and ill-disciplined writer. Those people who write every day between x and y hours; nup, can’t do that. When I’m on, I’m on. When I’m off, I’m about as useful as Tony Abbott in a musical. One of the great joys of listening to Jeff Goldsmith’s podcasts is to discover I am not alone in having procrastination as a constant friend. 

But there’s also this. Where I write is just as important as when.  

And boy, am I fussy!  

Let’s rule out a few places. Namely, HOME. I have an awfully comfortable couch and a new bed and internet and a DVD collection and a television and the internet and iTunes and did I mention the internet and damn that couch is comfortable. The only time I write at home is up against a deadline and it’s 2am. Otherwise there are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many distractions. 

So generally I look for external locations to write. But there are places to avoid: 

The wrong vibe. Hard to explain this one but some places just don’t feel right. You know what I mean? Too clean, too antiseptic, too corporate, too… something. If I’m not comfortable then it ain’t going to happen. 

The State Library is a classic example. I am old enough to remember a time when “Shooooooooooooooosh” ruled the airwaves at libraries. Now, if you’re not in a study group of twenty people discussing, I dunno, Twilight or something at the top of your lungs, you’re just not trying hard enough. This is guaranteed to make me mad as hell and stomping out with muttered-under-breath disgust. Paradoxically, the café downstairs used to be a regular place to write on weekends as I expect people to talk there so it doesn’t bother me. Told you I was fussy. 

If you’re a writer and spend a lot of time in cafes and occasionally pubs, I gotta tell you, you overhear some great conversations but most of the time you hear the most banal, coma-inducing, dispiriting pap. When I’m in the zone I don’t hear anything. When I’m struggling to find that magical place, inane conversation bugs the hell out of me.  

Especially avoid middle-aged, lycra clad, latte drinking bicycling associations. 

They are Satan’s spawn.  

Same goes with music. Generally I don’t like music playing when I write. I especially don’t like it when bored staff members have it cranked up and you can’t hear yourself think. Those places I avoid like musicals with Tony Abbott in the lead role. 

What’s with all the negativity, Richard? 

Okay, okay… here are the places you will currently finding me writing at regularly: 

Millpoint Caffe Bookshop 

The courtyard at the Bookshop Caffe

This used to be my spiritual writing home when I wasn’t working fulltime. Within walking distance of home with a lovely courtyard… and books! The staff have always been good to me there even though I hadn’t been for a looooong time since returning to corporate enslavement.

Then I discovered that early afternoon after the lunch crowd leaves on a Sunday is the sweet spot. Otherwise you battle to find a seat on the weekends. 

Secret greenery everywhere.

The Secret Garden is my Sunday morning brunch and writing spot. It is within walking distance if I’m feeling suitably motivated and has a lovely, yep, you guessed it, garden setting out the back. Tends to get busy from mid-morning but is quite peaceful if you get there early enough.  

Dome-alicious.

The main workhorse though is the big Dome in East Victoria Park next to the Balmoral (which I still have never set foot in). It’s spacious, has comfortable booths, decent free parking and also doubles as the prime meeting place for creative sessions. I will go there for a few hours after work and battle the mental tiredness on weekdays. Generally go there Saturday mornings using the above two for Sundays. 

Other places that get a run – Rifo’s in Maylands for meetings with people north and east of the river; occasionally The Windsor Hotel in South Perth; and very infrequently now, Clancy’s in Fremantle if I’m down there for other purposes.  

I write this on a Saturday morning at the Dome after a three hour writing session and it’s warm, the doors are all open, there’s a nice breeze, and jazz/classics are softly playing. It’s comfortable. Above all else that’s what I crave when I write.

Do you have a favourite spot? A favourite time of day to write? A lucky charm? Magic potions? Favourite song? Words of encouragement? Tips to avoid procrastina-- oh please, dear [insert deity of choice] let the words flow...

The Value of the Written Word

You may have noticed commentary on the corporate world creeping into my posts of late. This one will be no different but relates specifically to the craft of writing. I can’t give too many details other than to say this; a national manager was in the office for the week. It was not a laid back week. That last sentence is known as understatement.

Amongst the manic energy caused by a specific event there were two instances where my writing talent was called upon. I found the circumstances around this quite interesting. I have always taken for granted the fact that I can write. It’s what I do. I’m pretty good at it. Sometimes I forget it’s a skill that a lot of people do not have… even very smart people.

One was a mass email to our contract workforce. I thought what I wrote was functional but I was complimented by said national manager for how it was structured. To me it did what it had to do. I wasn’t sure how else I could have written it so I found this reaction a little strange. He later asked me to assist with an email he had to write to, let’s just say, a person of significance. It was a daunting task given who that person was and the context.

We had the opportunity to talk in general terms about what it is I do at the local pub after work that night. I said to him the key to writing, especially corporate writing, is to write to your audience. A lot of businesses are terrible at this – I’ve seen updates from executives to their staff so crammed full of jargon and detail I’d need a supercomputer, the staff at the NSA, and possibly John Nash to decipher it. It’s what’s known as bad writing.

I drop him off at his hotel and tell him to ring me when he has a draft and I’ll look over it. I get a call about 9.30pm. He sends me what he has written. I have no idea of the specific circumstances he has to respond to which is good because I have the benefit of pure objectivity. I also have the benefit of 20+ years’ corporate experience in this industry, the majority from a sales and customer service background. I know the person the email is for comes from a sales background. The company I work for is predominantly a technical one. They are different mindsets.

I ring him back, ask a few questions, then do a quick edit taking out extraneous detail, changing the emphasis and tying together his argument. All up, from the first call to when I send it off, maybe 30 minutes have elapsed. He’d been working on it for three hours. Not because he’s not smart but because he isn’t a natural writer.

Again, he is very happy with the result and remarks about how I’ve set everything out. I actually dropped a little Aristotle’s Poetics on him – beginning, middle and end. He was writing paragraphs that incorporated the first two but not the ‘third act’ if you like. Perhaps he has a future as a writer of Australian films…

Editor’s note: Ouch, low blow!

Me: I’m sorry, you are…?

Ed: The voice of your better angels?

Me: Is that you, Toby?

Ed: Bit obscure, don’t you think?

Me: How do you mean?

Ed: You were talking about writing to your audience…

Me: They all know I adore The West Wing.

Ed: You want to make your point?

Me: Fine.

My point is that while corporate writing is a specific beast all of its own, some basic principles still apply:

Know your audience.

Structure.

Beginning, Middle and End.

Setup and Payoff.

Keep it simple.

And this: words when used correctly are powerful. They can move, persuade, entertain, enlighten and enhance.

Epilogue: I never thought I’d end up back in the corporate world. There are aspects of it though that I’m very good at. As a result of the week it was suggested I apply for the new operations manager role in Perth; or a secondment to the communications team in Melbourne. Neither of those things is going to happen as while the money would no doubt be attractive, the hours and stress would decidedly not be.

Radio Interview for Turbulence Script Reading

I'm surprised I never thought to post this before. A radio interview I did for my script reading earlier this year. The interviewer is Dita Jevons, the station Radio Fremantle, a community network.

Radio Fremantle Interview 14 March 2013

I remember being nervous before the interview as I'd never been on radio. I was at work so there was the logistical problem of finding a quiet place to ring in... and sneaking off unnoticed. I had secured a small meeting room with a phone down the other end of the building only to discover the guy in the office next door was having quite the loud phone conversation. That didn't help the nerves.

I dialled in at the prescribed time and put on hold after a brief conversation with the, I presume, producer. I was listening to the station on my iPod - a discussion about WAAPA - then it was my turn!

*GULP*

Dita broke the ice by starting off with, on the surface, a ridiculous question. I laughed because it struck me as so absurd and from then on I was absolutely (ha!) fine.

I really enjoyed the interview and was surprised it went for nearly twenty minutes. The only thing I kicked myself about on hearing the recording was the overuse of the word "absolutely" throughout the discussion. Ah, well!

Dita was subsequently at the reading and we had a brief chat. It was a busy night for me so most of my interactions were unfortunately truncated as there were so many people coming up to talk. I discovered afterwards that she had a longer discussion with my parents and was very enthusiastic about the script.

A good experience? Absolutely!

The Two Greatest Words In The English Language...

... when you are working fulltime and trying to meet writing commitments are:

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooong weekend.

We have one person to thank for this particular long weekend:

Her Royal Majesty, The Queen.

I spoke to her earlier today during a friendly game of croquet on the palace grounds...

FADE IN:

A friendly game of croquet on the -- oh, I've done that bit already.

An elderly lady, HRH, batters a ball with a mallet. It scoots through a metal hoop.

Your humble scribe, ME, watches, bemused.


ME: Well played, ma'am.
HRH: Yes, yes, enough with the toadying, what did you get me?
ME: I'm sorry?
HRH: For my birthday?
ME: It's not really your birthday, is it?
HRH: Do you intend to take Monday off from work?
ME: Sure.
HRH: Then I want my damn present!
ME: Are you even allowed to say that?
HRH: I'm the Queen of England and I'll say what I damn well please. Where is it?
ME: You're the richest woman in the world.
HRH: I'm waiting.
ME: You don't pay taxes.
HRH: Only poor people deserve birthday presents, is that it?
ME: Well, no...
HRH: Do you apply some form of means test? Have your friends fill out a survey of some sort?

Insert spurious line of big print to break up the page.

ME: I don't know what to get you!
HRH: I've granted you a whole day off work. A little effort on your part wouldn't be out of line.
ME: You speak far more colloquially than I expected.
HRH: It's all in your head.
ME: Possibly so, but what does one get someone who has everything?
HRH: Simple. Something they've never had before.
ME: Poverty?
HRH: Little snippy, aren't we?
ME: I know, what about a Dockers Premiership?
HRH: Can I keep it in the cellar along with Philip and the other artefacts?
ME: Rather cutting, don't you think, ma'am.
HRH: Just get me two of them then.
ME: It doesn't quite work that way.
HRH: Can I at least choose a colour?
ME: I don't see why not, as long as it's purple.
HRH: This is the sort of gratitude I get. Typical.
ME: I could walk the corgis after I've finished writing?
HRH: No, no, that's no good. It's the only time Philip gets some air.
ME: You really keep him in the cellar?
HRH: Most of the time. There's the occasional state function they tell me he has to attend.
ME: So it's settled. In exchange for the day off Monday so I can write, you get something you've never had before, a Dockers Premiership.
HRH: Sounds positively awful.
ME: I could get you a card and a Lotto ticket instead?

Your humble scribe ducks as the Queen's mallet sails serenely over his head. She storms off full of mutter and scorn.

ME: Thank you, ma'am. I appreciate it ma'am.

She flips him the bird.

Parts of this exchange may have been exaggerated for dramatic effect. As most people know, Philip is actually locked in a small room with an ensuite. Disappointing I know.

Have a good long weekend Perth people. I have no idea why we choose to celebrate the Queen's not-birthday on a different date to everyone else but I shall enjoy the extra day nonetheless. The phone and the internet shall be resolutely OFF. The brain and netbook switched ON.

Your Humble Scribe

Looking For Top Notch Drama? That Would Be Theatre Australia's Domain

Forget about Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Forget about The Black List starring James Spader playing James Spader chewing scenery the way only James Spader can (if Christopher Walken is unavailable). Even forget about the Fremantle Dockers' march towards a possible inaugural flag.

The hottest new drama to hit the screen - albeit those affixed to computers, tablets and smartphones - is the apparent stoush between Theatre Australia and the Independent Theatre Association over ownership of www.theatre.asn.au, an online portal used by the theatre community nationwide.

Now, I have no idea who the players are. I'm a film guy. The politics and machinations of the theatre are way beyond my ken. My only qualifications in this regard are: I know lots of people who act, often on a stage; I am an eager audience member; and, when the mood strikes, I occasionally write reviews of the productions I attend.

I went to see a production last night in fact. Went to post my review on the Theatre Australia website... to be redirected to some other website called the Independent Theatre Association.

Curious.

Then I discover a tsunami of comments on the Theatre WA facebook group. Claims, counter-claims, controversy, committee actions, people's revolt, chatter about domain names and legal action and all sorts of fun and games. I don't pretend to understand any of it other than someone (or some body) made a decision, people weren't consulted, an unexpected action was taken, a backlash resulted.

Why should I care?

I started writing the occasional review last year largely in support of a performer whose work I liked. Let me stress, I don't write anonymous reviews so I don't talk up shows if they don't deserve it. My name is my reputation and I'm not prepared to tamper with that by writing puff pieces.

That initial catalyst created or perhaps rekindled a love of live theatre. I also quickly came to realise how much talent there is in Perth... and how many of those people I know. As a screenwriter, the many actors I encounter in my film misadventures also tread the boards. I like to get along to shows to support them but increasingly because there's some damn fine theatre being produced here.

Now, I'm no "Gordon the Optom" who appears to be a revered figure in the local theatre scene not only because he goes to a LOT of shows but also reviews them. Those reviews are found on, you guessed it, the Theatre Australia website.

Not wanting to step on any toes being an outsider (read "film person"), I tend to only write reviews for shows Gordon hasn't seen. While he reviews a helluva lot he can't see everything. If I'm impressed by a show I'll comment on his review if he's already covered it. If he's nailed it and there's nothing else for me to add then so be it. Otherwise, if I have enjoyed a show and there's no review on the site I will write my own. If I don't like a show well, I'm not a professional reviewer and I'm not inclined to stray down the harsh critic path. However, there are also occasions I simply don't feel qualified to say anything useful - Shakespeare plays would be a prime example.

I hope these reviews, in some small way, throw a spotlight on the hard work and talent of all involved in a production. I hope maybe they might prompt someone to book a ticket and go see for themselves. I hope it is some form of recognition for the performers and crew as well.

Which brings us back to the issue of the Theatre Australia website currently being "unavailable" (insert whatever the correct technical terminology is here). All those reviews are, in effect, GONE. Vanished. Sucked up into the Mothership. Dispersed into the ether. "They is no more." Nor does there appear to be a way to easily add reviews to this other website. Or find the handful that have been transferred across to an archives section (?).

How then can I tell a wider audience how marvellous I thought last night's production was? (Go see it, it's really good!)

I was a little miffed that everyone was only concerned about Gordon's reviews. Sure, by sheer volume, he is the big enchilada (that is the first and perhaps last time you will ever see me use that phrase!) but he's not the only one who takes the time to knock a few words together.

It also means all the links on my facebook page to reviews I've written are now broken until - if - the website is re-established. That's a little annoying. I wanted that to be an easily accessible portal of my own.

So here's hoping cooler heads prevail and the whole schmozzle is quickly resolved. Though I have to say, the undertone of discussions on Theatre WA doesn't make me hopeful.

Drama, hey? It's all about conflict and this one has all the hallmarks of being a doozy!

Richard Hyde; username "rwhyde" on www.theatre.asn.au