Let’s Write A Screenplay, Part 1 – The Idea

Apologies, Alas Smith & Jones

Greg: Mate, you see that flick on the weekend?

Tony: Which one?

Greg: The one I told you about.

Tony: The searing warts and all examination of the human condition?

Greg: No, the one with the sharks coming out of the tornado.

Tony: Yeah, that one.

Greg: Well?

Tony: I thought the cinematography was pretty good.

Greg: You didn’t see it, did you?

Tony: I have, in fact, not seen it.

Greg: We could do something like that.

Tony: Do we even have tornadoes in Australia?

Greg: I meant… you know what I mean.

Tony: Hardly ever.

Greg: We could write something along the same lines!

Tony: A film script?

Greg: Sure, how hard can it be?

Tony: You spelt your name wrong on your final year English exam.

Greg: It was the original European spelling.

Tony: I don’t even know what that means.

Greg: Fine. I’ll be the ideas man, you can write it down.

Tony: And this big idea would be?

Greg: Divanami!

Tony: Excuse me?

Greg: Get this, a thousand washed up actresses wash up in New York and start terrorising the locals by aggressively auditioning for Broadway roles that don’t exist.

Tony: I’m still on, “excuse me?”

Greg: It’ll be huge!

Tony: Well, sure, what with a thousand actresses and all.

Greg: Washed up actresses. Think Lindsay Lohan, think Tara Reid --

Tony: Who?

Greg: Exactly!

Tony: It doesn’t sound very Australian.

Greg: We can throw in a few Home and Away stars.

Tony: Last time I checked New York isn’t an outer suburb of Sydney.

Greg: The home of Broadway, my friend. Remember that girl from school?

Tony: The one who took out a restraining order on you?

Greg: No, the other one.

Tony: I think she ended up taking out one too.

Greg: No, the one who wanted to be a big star, singing and dancing on Broadway.

Tony: Did she ever move to New York?

Greg: No, she couldn’t sing or dance to save herself but that doesn’t matter.

Tony: Probably matters to the people who put on shows in New York.

Greg: The point is that was her dream, to be on stage in the Big Apple.

Tony: Okay.

Greg: Think how many other aspiring actresses have exactly the same fantasy?

Tony: I thought they were washed up?

Greg: You know what I… look, what do they call it when you play around with words?

Tony: Wordplay?

Greg: That’s it. Divanami, actresses, tsunami, washed up, get it?

Tony: Don’t you think that might be a little insensitive in light of recent events?

Greg: The Miley Cyrus thing?

Tony: I was thinking more the people drowning thing.

Greg: No, they’re all dumped in New York alive by some big wave.

Tony: Seems a little implausible, don’t you think?

Greg: They made a movie about sharks in a tornado. 

Tony: Point taken.

Greg: So what do you think?

Tony: Well, what’s the story?

Greg: What do you mean?

Tony: What happens next?

Greg: They start auditioning on the streets of New York.

Tony: Not really the same as sharks on the loose though, is it?

Greg: Have you ever been the victim of a really bad audition?

Tony: I’ve heard stories.

Greg: Terrifying.

Tony: Do you know anything about writing a screenplay?

Greg: Adaptation is one of my favourite movies.

Tony: We’re all set then.

Greg: What do you say?

Tony: New York here we come?

To be continued...